Thursday, 2 June 2016

Motor bike

First time on 49cc motorbike
I am going to crash! I curb slowly and my heart plays a rock music.
It all starts off at my dad's friends house and I see a tiny motorbike in their garage. I've ridden on a motorbike before and I loved it.
I ask him “Can I please ride on this if it's working?” With hopes in my heart I wait for a reply.  He says yes! I feel like I have won something awesome. I thank him with tears in my heart but I wonder how fast it goes. 

He starts the engine, and it is louder than a car. It's so loud that their toddler says “where's the earmuffs? I sit on it thinking ‘I'll crash, I'll break a bone ,I'll hurt myself. I curve slowly around the field. 
“Let's go full throttle!” The engine roars and five seconds later….. The roaring of the monster stops and starts to calm down. It stopped….. I hopped off I checked everything on the bike. There was nothing wrong. 
“Maybe the engines hot,” so I rolled it along, back to beside the stinky petrol car and went back home.

In this story I have been learning to use good punctuation and make the emotion much more deeper with powerful words that connect. For example instead of saying my heart is beating fast you could say my heart plays a rock music or when you say I feel like I'm going to crash it's better to say I'm going to crash it makes it much more powerful you feel the emotion more. My emotion was nervous. My next step is to use more metaphors and have more action in it.

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